No Love Without Pain
by imaginecreatebefall
Summary: After the victory at Mount Weather, Clarke goes to confront Lexa about her betrayal, only to find out that things may not have happened as clearly as she thought.


_**My second Clexa fic. This one I wrote after 2x15.**_

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"Lexa," Clarke screamed rough enough for blood to trickle down her throat. "Lexa," she roared as the Grounder guards kept her at bay. "Lexa," Clarke went on straining her voice as her eyes began to well up again, but she angrily shook them away, not allowing the Commander anymore of her tears.

"Lexa!"

"Why are you screaming for the Commander?" Indra asked coming from around the tent and stepping up close to her. Clarke was expecting the usual protective Grounder to toss her to the side or beat her for ignoring their demands to leave, but Lexa must have ordered them against it.

"She doesn't get to just leave us behind like that," Clarke spat, "she made a deal with the enemy and left our people, the alliance she joined together for dead," she growled pushing passed Indra and into the tent.

"Lexa," she called as the folds flapped behind her, but the air inside was still.

"Heda," Indra cried as she followed Clarke and began storming through the tent finding it empty, then in one swift motion, she left to seek information on where their Commander went no longer caring about Clarke's presence.

Clarke moved about the tent slowly, taking in the awkwardness of it. There was a damp rag soaked in blood and war paint tossed to the side, and the armor Lexa wore into battle lying uncharacteristically on a nearby chair. Everything felt off. Clarke ran over into the corner where a bag of her own clothes had been stashed away and found the bag empty. Lexa had fled.

"Clarke?" Lincoln called still wincing from the minor beat down he received from his comrades.

"Lincoln, where is she?" Clarke questioned with more concern in her eyes than rage now.

"You didn't see her?" He whispered glancing back to make sure no one was listening. "That's good, I think."

"What do you mean see her, the last time I saw Lexa," she started choking up again, "she was walking away from me… from us," she corrected trying to stay strong, but failing.

"Please stay quiet about this," Lincoln continued under his breath as he took Clarke's arm, pulling her away from the tent entrance.

"Lincoln, where is she?" She questioned her patience long gone.

"She went back for you." Clarke's eyes searched his hoping his words were some cruel joke, but as she played out the events in her head, of their take over at Mount Weather, it all began to make sense. The lights flickering randomly causing a distraction, weapons stashed outside each room sky people would be fleeing from, guards disappearing around certain corners, and a shadow she caught fleeing into the sunrise.

"Something must have happened," Lincoln went on quietly. "If you're here, then she should have been back by now." Clarke's eyes widened as her stomach lurched her forward unable to handle the mix of emotions swirling through her.

"Come on, we have to find her."

"I can't," Lincoln replied sadly. "I wanted to go with her, but our people are watching my every move. Lexa ordered me to keep things under control here. If our people knew she went for you, backing out of the deal she made, causing the mountain men to rain all over our people again, she would be executed. And not like Gustus, her torture would be far worse, it would last days." Clarke closed her eyes picturing Lexa strung up on a post, suffering from cuts, jabs, limbs severed and so many other unimaginable things, causing her to flop over unable to contain the sickness anymore as Lincoln quickly shoved a pail in front of her.

"This can't be happening," Clarke glanced over at Lincoln, her head still hovering over the bucket. "How did this all fall apart?" She questioned finally breaking down and collapsing to the ground.

Lincoln came over and rubbed her back, trying to at least soothe her stomach, "War is always unpredictable Clarke. I know you saw what Lexa did as a betrayal, I did too, but she is our Commander, her job was to protect our people first and foremost. It wasn't an easy decision, but she did her job, and yet, she couldn't live with what she did to you and fled, hoping her camouflage as a Sky person would work to save the deal she made with the Mountain Men in case she wasn't in time."

Clarke barely heard what Lincoln was saying, her cries had closed up the entries to her ears and her head kept playing out every worst case scenario of Lexa's state. Where was she? And who had her? With that, she stood up, brushed away her tears, and straightened her Grounder wear. "I have to find her before either of our groups do first."

Lincoln nodded. "I'll do what I can here."

Clarke thought about Lexa walking away from her at Mount Weather, driving back her rage as she left the tent. She needed the Grounders to believe she still despised their Commander and she helped that by growling and storming from the tent area, almost knocking down the two guards posted outside the entry in the process. She knew they wanted to retaliate, but no one questioned their Commander's orders anymore regarding her after what happened to Quint.

Once Clarke entered the woods, she made her way toward the area she assumed Lexa may have disappeared into. It took her almost an hour to find Lexa's trail, but once she did, Clarke followed it hoping to bump into Lexa as she made her way back to Mount Weather. As Clarke approached the mountain, she heard shouting and curses being spat. The soldiers of Mount Weather were all killed or imprisoned and these cries didn't sound like cheers of victory, they were more like hisses of hate.

"Lexa," Clarke mouthed as she darted through the woods, branches snapping across her face while her ankle twisted on a rock from neglecting her surroundings, but she pushed on even faster as the wails of Lexa became clear.

"Stop," Clarke screamed even louder than she did when approaching the Grounder's camp.

"Clarke," Bellamy answered as he came up to her side. "Octavia's already tried, but our people are too angry at the Commander's betrayal. I can't say I blame them?"

Clarke didn't have time to explain what Lexa had done for them, pushing passed him and stampeding through the crowd not caring if any of them fell in the process.

One of the forty-seven held captive was kicking Lexa in the ribs as she dropped to her hands and knees hunched over taking each beating given to her without protest.

"Stop," Clarke cried again finally breaking through the crowd and collapsing on top of Lexa. The kid went to kick her again, not giving it a second thought that Clarke was in the way when Bellamy and Octavia broke through and tossed him back.

"This isn't us," Bellamy stated trying to distract the crowd as Clarke knelt down to Lexa's side. "We're supposed to be better than them," he went on preaching.

"Are you ok?" Clarke asked squinting at the gashes in Lexa's face.

"I've been through worse," she replied dryly.

"Come on, we have to get up and explain to them what you've done."

Lexa's eyes widened as she shook her head quickly back and forth. "We can't.

"What? Why?" Clarke questioned, eyeing the angry mob still rounding them.

"My people can't know. This is another betrayal Clarke. By me coming here after the deal I made, not only could it fall into the remaining living mountain men's ears and come back to haunt my people," Lexa took a few breaths as she spit out some blood from her overwhelming amount of blows, "if my people were to find out, it could shatter the alliances with the Clans."

"But my people will kill you."

Lexa smiled, no making Clarke feel any better. "As long as I die with you knowing I came back for you, that I surrendered to my heart. That's fine. I couldn't live with myself for abandoning you like that. I just couldn't."

Clarke cradled Lexa's head in her lap and began to cry at how much Lexa had exposed herself. She, the Commander of the Grounders would never do something like this, but Lexa, the human woman let down her guard revealing another layer of her soul and now she could possibly die because of it.

"Clarke," Abby came through the crowd and placed her hand on her shoulder, "let's get her inside and clean her up." Clarke nodded not knowing any better options.

Abby examined Lexa's wounds, but treated the bare minimum, her own rage pouring out onto the Commander. Lexa didn't say anything to make it any better, no thank yous, no sorrys, she just stared blankly ahead as her mother patched her up. Clarke stayed by Lexa's side still trying to figure out what to do. Her people wanted someone to pay for the capture, torture and deaths that came upon during the takeover of Mount Weather, and since Lexa broke their alliance, she was as much to blame as the mountain men.

"We can't kill her," Clarke blurted out.

"I know," Abby replied looking over Lexa with disgust. "Even though if the roles were reversed she would kill you," Abby tossed the rag she used to clean out Lexa's wounds across the floor and turned to leave, "oh and Clarke," she began standing in the doorway, "don't even think about trying to sneak her out," her mother's eyes glanced up at the cameras then left.

Once her mother left, Clarke began to pace back and forth not knowing what to do or how to react.

"Clarke," Lexa began, but her head was spinning full speed of the night they had just endured. "Clarke," Lexa tried again, hopping off the table and wobbling over to her. "We'll figure it out," she went on trying to ease some of Clarke's worries but failing.

"How?" Clarke snapped facing her. "We tell our people what you've done, they spare you, yet word still gets back to your people about what you did and you're killed, destroying whatever's left of our alliance in the process. Or, we stay quiet, one of my people eventually finds a way to kill you, word gets back to your people about that and we go into war for killing their loyal Commander, chaos erupting all over again."

"You should stop thinking," Lexa stated trapping Clarke into a corner of the room, forcing her to now only pace in short lines. Lexa waited and watched her intently as Clarke continued until Lexa finally trapped her through her softening gaze.

"Why did you have to make that deal?"

"You know why?" Lexa replied instantly. Clarke dropped her head only to have Lexa bring her hand up to her chin, lifting it back up. "If there was any other way to save all my people, I would have taken it."

Clarke nodded into her hand. "I get it, but I'm still furious with you."

"Understandable."

Clarke gazed up into Lexa's eyes always giving her words their true meaning and saw the understanding there. Part of her hated Lexa and didn't think she could ever trust again, but over the last few weeks she began to understand why the Grounders lived how they did. And knowing this, if she was Lexa, she would have done the same thing.

"Can I kiss you?" Lexa asked drawing Clarke further in with her eyes.

"Won't it hurt?"

"Yes, but I brought that upon myself." Clarke finally smiled, not thinking she would ever be able to again after watching Lexa walk away from her. But here she was, doing her best to make up for what she had to do and in the process softening her features, "Ok," she whispered.

Lexa brought her mouth down, grazing over Clarke's lips momentarily before pressing them together, her hand once again finding Clarke's jacket keeping her close as they began to explore more of each other. Clarke brought her hand up, cupping Lexa's cheek, causing the Commander to hiss when her thumb pressed against a bruise, but this only encouraged Clarke to deepen their kiss. She brought her free hand down behind Lexa's back bringing them closer. Shivers ran up and down Clarke's spine as their pace increased, kicking Clarke's footing into gear and backing Lexa up to the table, Lexa grinning into their kiss as she did.

Clarke didn't know what was going to happen to Lexa, but she would have her at least once before any decision had to be made. The war had been sloppy, like their kisses as Clarke showed her own strength by lifting Lexa onto the exam table, unpredictable, as Clarke removed a knife from her belt and silt a tear into her shirt Lexa was wearing so she could rip it from her body, and now it was over, as Clarke's own freedom for sleeping with the betrayer for all eyes to see on camera may be. But she didn't care anymore. Her people were free and so was her heart. All consequences for her actions would be dealt with later. Now it was her time to finally let go and give in to the need she'd been hiding ever since she met Lexa, finally giving into the Commander's wanting gaze and continue to do so until their bodies were torn away from each other.


End file.
